Embarrassed Freshmen Struggle to Leave Wrong Class

Reports today are shocking as a staggering 53 percent of freshmen have reported walking into the wrong classroom, but being too embarrassed to leave and go to the right class.

This is leaving UNIV 189 classes and COMM 110 classes almost barren over the first week.

Billy Bison, a freshman in the Mechanical Art Engineering Music program, caught up with me about his terrifying experience.

“I didn’t want to get up, what was the teacher gonna do? Send me to the President’s House?” Bison then went on to tell me that the situation “triggered” him.

This is not an uncommon sight. When freshmen migrate to the university, it can be rather challenging and scary to navigate the long miles of North Dakota State’s buildings.

“I have a class in Minard in five minutes, am I close?” Bison asked me this while we were standing by the Fargodome; his day doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Faculty have been feeling the effects too. ENGL 120 professor Bio Rergh told me he finds his classes dead-eyed and terrified of the new experiences.

“They keep asking me where the Memorial Union is,” Rergh said. “I fear some of them haven’t eaten properly either, yet no one dares ask me where the Dining Centers are.” Rergh told me that on the first day two-thirds of his class was missing, but he reassured me, “Those students will just get dropped from the class, no harm no foul.”

The situation is so bad that The Bookstore has started selling lanyards that have GPS units built into the fabric. To discuss the new technology, I met up with Texta Booke, a cashier at The Bookstore.

“They are great sellers,” Booke said. “We are selling them at the discounted price of $75.” Booke told me not to worry, this year’s model will indeed be “a paper weight” next year. However, he told me they have a lanyard buy-back program guaranteeing they will at least throw it away for you.

“We aim to have all students in the right classrooms come midterms,” Booke told me. After that though, he had to leave and tend to a freshman who had mistakenly thought The Bookstore was Gate City Bank Auditorium.

With all this, the general hope is that the students will find their way around. Some even think this year’s freshman class has a good chance of surviving through the winter and maybe even making it to the spring mating season.

“This year’s class is cute. I really hope they make it.” Rergh seems like one of the good ones, and his hopes are echoed through campus. Good luck, students.

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