Local NDSU Student Rejects Media’s Portrayal of Weather

Tensions are high as a North Dakota State student fears rejection from the scientific community after he comes out against the liberal media.

The Spectrum, or as Albrecht Einstein calls us, ‘Fake News,’ has reported through our hourly weatherman, Stormy El Nino, that the weather is sunny outside and temperatures are reaching 70-80 degrees.

Einstein told me on Monday, “I ain’t buying it.” Einstein is convinced these comments are just a ploy by the liberal media. Einstein insisted that the weather was drastically cooler according to his thermometer.

“One of my thermometers at home says it’s minus 40 degrees and that creates doubt within the scientific community.” Einstein wore three coats just to make sure he wouldn’t freeze on his way to class. He added that he was “toasty and warm.”

This revelation came after Einstein was watching CNN’s coverage of Hurricane Irma. Einstein, who is an avid subscriber to Infowars, thought the classic question, W.W.A.J.D.?

Or in layman’s terms, what would Alex Jones do?

“That great man (Alex Jones) would challenge the status quo. He asked where the lizard people were on 9/11. And now we must ask, where is the proof that it’s warm outside?” When I introduced Einstein to our thermometer, he said it needed more “research” before he would trust the results, adding they were most likely screwed.

Although the destruction of Hurricane Irma shocked Einstein he had to wonder, as all Infowars viewers wonder, was this all a ploy to make us believe in the Chinese-invented-global-warming conspiracy theory?

Einstein’s hypothesis: darn tootin’.

“It just scares me that we now live in an age where questioning facts is no longer accepted.” Einstein added that he fears bringing up that gravity is only a theory in his physics class.

“I just wish my opinions could be heard and accepted as facts.” Einstein went on to shed a tear, saying, “Global Warming is just a theory; weather patterns are getting less catastrophic; and the Earth is getting colder.”

As for the future, Einstein has hopes, but until then he will continue to bring both sides of the argument to the table. “I will be heard, I…” The quote ended early due to a completely unrelated heat stroke suffered by Einstein. We are reporting that he will make a full recovery.

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