Local Geese Fire Back

canadian goose
PHOTO COURTESY | WIKIPEDIA

Fargo Police responded Saturday to reports of gunfire in north Fargo, only to learn the sounds were noisemakers of the Moorhead Crystal Sugar plant firing at geese to keep the animals away from beet piles.

“We were just minding our own business and then bam, loud noises,” Flappers McDuck, a local goose, said.

McDuck is one of the many geese that were affected by the plant firing an air cannon to scare off geese.

Crystal Sugar wished to remove the geese from their property before health codes were violated and crops were destroyed.

However, local geese have teamed up and are creating a plan of revenge against Crystal Sugar.

The geese, led by a mysterious goose called The Flying V have obtained high yield explosives and several noise makers.

The artillery acquired by the geese includes 5,000 pounds of tannerite, seven subwoofers to be hooked up to an iPod playing bass heavy rock music on repeat and multiple strings of 2 million Blackcat firecrackers.

“If the Fargo Police Department got phone calls before our revenge, I would hate to be the dispatch now,” Honkers VonWings, a local goose, said.

In addition to explosives and noise makers, the local geese are also increasing their amount of honking and their production of fecal excretion on Crystal Sugar property.

“We didn’t expect it would come to this,” a Crystal Sugar spokeswoman said, adding, “We just wanted the geese off of our property.”

The local geese did not say what day they plan on disturbing Crystal Sugar, but did comment that the date will be within the next two weeks.

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