I’m Benjamin Norman, Homecoming King candidate, and I approve this message:
If you don’t vote for Homecoming King and Queen on Tuesday or Wednesday, you are dead to me. Not really, but basically.
Listen. I’ll admit it. I’m a Millennial. Secret’s out. And if I know one thing about the millions of people born around the same time as I was, it’s that we are as apathetic as aardvarks when it comes to taking a stand on any issue. We’d much rather burrow into the soil, hiding from our prey and civic responsibilities.
Enough is enough, Arthur. I’ve had it with this generation’s indifference toward democratic voting, politically or pageantry-ly.
Disgusted with Donald and Hillary in the 2016 Election? Same. Abhorred that Alex Stangel and Bre Hogie are nominated for king and queen, respectively? Respectfully, me too.
But I don’t care. You still gotta vote. We are Americans, and Americans vote, regardless of the names on the ballot. (Actually, almost 57 percent of us didn’t cast a ballot last fall. (U-S-A! U-S-A!))
We here at North Dakota State can’t hide our Bison Voting Pride, either. (Actually, in any given year, only 15 percent of campus votes in the student body election. (And when we do vote, it’s for cats.))
So hop on the bandwagon and forget your excuses, for I’ve heard every single one of them. You’re “too busy.” You’re “so sad.” You’re “not a student at NDSU and can’t vote for Homecoming candidates.” Excuses are like holes: we all have a few and we all pretended to read it in sixth grade but just watched the adventure comedy-drama starring Shia LeBeouf instead.
Listen here, Stanley Yelnats IV: if you’re not running away from some work camp and eating onions this week, you’re voting for a Homecoming King and Queen.
Don’t know who you’re voting for? Visit the candidates’ Facebook pages. Add us on LinkedIn. God forbid, talk to us.
Why? Because every vote raises $1 for a local nonprofit. This year’s charity is Family HealthCare, a family-oriented primary care clinic that offers affordable coverage to everyone. They’re doing the Lord’s work, and if you can help them by voting online for some semi-strangers to wear a crown or tiara around campus for a few days, do it.
I’d appreciate your vote. I’d appreciate your not-vote. For the love of all that is good, just vote for someone. And go to the Homecoming Show on Thursday.
Norman is a super-senior and former editor of this fine publication. His opinions are his own and do not reflect, for they are dull.