PHOTO COURTESY | MATT BAUME
I rest my case.
Sweater vests: the classy tank top. I’ve never been a huge fan. I’ve always thought if a man wanted to show off his arms, he should do it the old-fashioned way: while chopping wood with his sleeves rolled up, taking a dip in the lake or drinking alone naked.
But not with a cotton swaddle that he’s gonna wear another shirt over. Luckily, I’m a problem solver. I’ll make your sweater-less a sweater-yes with my newest invention: The Switch ‘Em Sweater.
The idea is simple. You buy whatever dad dress you want, and we won’t judge you to your face. You then order from any of our sets of interchangeable sleeves. Slide them up over your arms and instantly you go from straight jacket to straight killing it.
It’s like a new shirt every day! Maybe you feel like red today, and on another day blue. Maybe today is just a tassels kind of day. Maybe you get a tie-dye pattern and get all hippy dippy with it. Mix and match; find the combo that locks up up your heart in a polyester prison and says “you’re under a vest.”
Out latest edition may just be our best yet. For a limited time, you can get a ring that slides over your vest and cover’s just your shoulders. That’s right: sleeveless sleeves. Finally, you can channel your inner Adonis by selling everyone a one-way ticket to the gun show. You can even wear a shirt underneath if you really want to leave an air of mystery about you.
I know what you’re thinking. “Grant, you magnificent bastard, how can you just dangle this idea in front of us? I can’t buy any of these yet and I’m kicking myself for not coming up with it myself!” Well, don’t fret, friends. I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m coming to you today with not just a great idea, but also a great investment opportunity. For an easy one-time payment of only $499.99, and then several smaller payments to be worked out when my credit card statement comes in, you can get in on the ground floor of this soon to be a booming business.
Now while you’re basking in the warmth of your 1 percent stake, if someone could send this to the “Shark Tank” people that’d be just fantastic.