Hello: I’m Selling My Body Now

You ever look around and think about the fact that clothes get a pass on free advertising? Not just a pass, it’s actually encouraged. People pay money specifically to walk around sporting Volcom and Nike logos.

As a college student, I walk by hundreds of people a day. I get to decide what ads I give my stamp of approval and shove in my fellow pedestrians’ faces. In light of this revelation, I would like to broadcast a message to any companies reading this article: I AM READY TO SELL MY BODY.

Make me look like a NASCAR driver, I don’t give a damn.

Wonder Bread I’m talking to you. Clothes companies don’t have a monopoly on the apparel ads game. Shirt, shorts, shoes, it doesn’t matter, $20 a week and I’m yours. I’ll wear one sock that says “Sam’s” and another that says “Club.”

Look at me when I’m typing to you and know I’m serious.

McDonald’s, I will wear sunglasses with golden arches for rims. As long as we’re going the eye-wear route, why stop there?

Target think about it: Target logo colored contact lenses.

Cowboy-themed steak house (every town has one), I will wear one of those ridiculous 10 gallon hats with your name on it.

Small, struggling Ma and Pa store? For the sweet deal of $12.50 a week, I’ll let you stamp whatever you want on my back. Believe me, people love to look at me from behind.

I’m a college student. I have outstanding bills, you have dollar bills.

Let’s make one meet the other. My fashion sense is whatever I happen to pull out of the closet that morning, I don’t mind if it’s your junk. This could be a mutually beneficial relationship; all you have to do is throw money at me.

Trust me, there are worse jobs with the same premise. Thank you for your consideration, I eagerly await your check.

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