Hell-thcare Reform: Here We Go Again

U.S. PACIFIC FLEET | PHOTO COURTESY Some would want a professional, but the professionals cost a lot of money.

As a journalist, I feel it is my responsibility to talk about healthcare. We botched it guys. It’s bad. I’d rather have crippling medical debt than being the guy who has to figure out how to get me out of crippling medical debt.

Luckily, I think I’ve come up with a solution. You see, I think we’ve lost sight of our roots as a nation: capitalism.

Hospitals at the moment have a monopoly on your body. Do you need a surgery? They’ve got you in their clutches. What’s your alternative? Go to “Organs and More Coroner Store” (coroner instead of the corner, that’s a little organ humor for ya) and get a liver on discount. Sure it’s missing an artery, but you’re pretty sure you have one just like it at home you can sew on nobody will ever know. Ya, know.

You’re gonna get that surgery because there’s no competition. Therefore, I recommend legalizing black market organs.

Sure, it’ll be scary at first. The operating table doubles as a dinner table and the incision on your abdomen will scar in the shape of your surgeon’s signature. You also choose to ignore the smell of alcohol on his breath and that he called the new liver an “Armenian cut.”

But hey, it’s cheaper than a plane ticket to Florida, which was your original plan since you couldn’t afford the surgery and decided to die with your feet in the sand holding a poorly mixed ethnic drink and surrounded by retirees in those baggy Hawaiian shirts.

The fact of the matter is these days, the only thing we leave our loved ones when we die is the bill.

We keep proposing one bum plan after the other with the assurance that this one is better than the last one. Yet, all of a sudden, everyone who hated the last one thinks it was great and the new one is a mistake.

People our healthcare plans have become Bond movies. You want government to be run like a business? Well, I seem to be the only one trying to do it. It’s shady, it’s irresponsible and it’s probably illegal, but that sounds like the big business check list to me.

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