This might get a little nasty. If you have followed up on your job fair and applied to jobs online, good for you. Your mother and I are so proud. You’ve taken an important step in your career, and even if nothing comes of it no one can say you didn’t try. Even if you’re taking long shots, it only needs to work once. Now please excuse me while I talk to those who have not applied to their prospective companies. I feel like they might need an extra nudge to take that first step.

Hey there Mr. “I HAVE TIME TO READ A NEWSPAPER BUT NONE TO INVEST IN MY FUTURE.” Do you know what day it is? Of course you don’t. It’s Monday. Unless it isn’t Monday, then just sub in whatever day you’re reading this. The point is that you are some indeterminate number of days late on applications.

“Oooh, what if they don’t accept me?” Then you don’t accept them. Move on, son. You’ll just end up looking back wishing you had applied. “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott – Unoriginal people on social media. Shooters shoot.

“Oh, I just haven’t had an opportunity to do it yet.” Really? You never found an hour or two to just go through some applications? You just had all weekend. You’re trying to tell me you didn’t have a single chance all weekend. Step up your game.

Don’t you dare say, “You’re right. I’ll have time to do it this weekend.” This is not a “this weekend” activity. It was a “last weekend” activity. Now it’s a “today” activity. You don’t have time today? Should’ve thought of that. Be doing homework at two in the morning, I really don’t care. You did this to yourself.

I swear to any god that means anything to you, I will personally glue every business card you’re wasting to your car, bike, phone, head and shoulders. Maybe then you’ll carry the weight of your decisions.

Wow, if you’ve made it this far and that doesn’t apply to you, I’m sorry you had to see it. Sometimes people get complacent. I know I have. When that happens, a stern kick in the pants might be necessary. If that does apply to you, I swear to everything holy I will punch a copy of your resume through your computer.