Grant’s Guide to Dead Week Stress

Behind that smile is a semester’s worth of torment.

Dead week is coming, and some of you take the name as a challenge. It sucks. I get it. It doesn’t have to be that bad though. You just have to know how to let it suck properly. Over the last few years, I’ve gotten experience facing down dead week.

First off, hope. There’s too much of it. It’s weighing you down. You think you think it’ll be fine, and then you’re shocked when it’s not. You can’t study when you’re busy staring at your car keys, just thinking about how you could hop in your car and just leave it all behind. Head west, racing the sunset until you hit the coast. There’s a song in your heart and tread on your shoes, if you could just use them you-

Oh, um … I, uh, you know. As an example. Of something you could … yeah.

Another thing you’ll want to do is lie to yourself. Things like, “Yeah I’ll study that tomorrow” or “That won’t be on the test.” It’s a great way to narrow down what you actually need to know and what’s gonna drive you to the bottle. Nothing good happens after that. At a certain point, good enough is good enough. You’ll probably call it before then, but who doesn’t?

Something else to keep in mind is sleep. You have the wrong amount of sleep. You’re either getting too much or not enough. I never know which side I’m on, but I always feel strongly about it. Someone might tell me, “You look tired; you should probably manage your time during the day instead of putting things off until night,” but half the time they’re just a hallucination so what do they know.

This brings me to my next point. The most important part is lying to the people who care about you. They’re just gonna say things like, “I’m here for you” or “Honestly, I don’t think you could make it in Hollywood,” and that is helping absolutely no one. Who wants to deal with things healthily when you can just hyperventilate the pain away?

Mom, if you’re reading this, I promise that last part is a joke. I love you, and I’ll see you at Christmas.

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