Getting Jiggy with Jaw Excercises

MOYAN BRENN | PHOTO COURTESY
The vegetables you keep around the house to make it seem like you eat healthy.

No one can wait to lose weight. People still don’t do it though because running is hard and I live next to a McDonald’s. There are a couple reactions to sealing your fate with fast food.

Some people ignore it, some people try to change and some people do my personal favorite: talk about changing. I don’t do it personally, but my mom, for example, has walked me through every diet in the last half century whether I like it or not.

Well, I’m hopping on this bandwagon before the next big thing comes along and steals the limelight. I know my limits, I’m not competing with the gluten free bullshit (Oh man, could I do an article on that).

I’m tossing out a new plan that’s great, because if you’re into the fad diet stuff you may already be doing it. Let me introduce jaw exercises.

Scene: The dining center. Today is the day you’re gonna make a change. You walk up to the salad bar, but it starts to dawn on you the reality of the dilapidated mash of vegetable medley you are committing to for the foreseeable future.

More than that, those bagels are calling your name and you start to wonder if it’s all worth it. Trust me, we’ve all been there. I’m here to say you can have your cake and eat it too, literally.

The real beauty in trying to get healthy is that you get to tell people you are trying to get healthy. I’m telling you to cut out the middle man and just tell people how healthy you are going to be tomorrow when you get on Atkinson’s and show them what an hourglass figure looks like.

People will hop on with “Good for you!” and “Don’t get too skinny” and “Grant, men aren’t supposed to get hour-glass figures.” Trust me, it’s all encouraging.

Now, I don’t have anything to sell like most fad diets, so why don’t you just mail me the $19.99 a month for the diet and we’ll call it good?

 

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