I want to talk about something that I am sure has been on everybody’s mind lately.
Pervading your thoughts during class, or maybe even making sleep impossible.
That’s right, I’m talking about the newer, more fraudulent version of Scooby Doo fruit snacks.
Many NDSU students have the privilege of remembering Scooby Doo fruit snacks in their original splendor, when they weren’t translucent, and didn’t all taste like one vague and unidentifiable fruit.
And come on, have you taken a look at the mess that is the Fred Scooby snack? I mean, he looks like a ghost the gang would have been jonesing (see what I did there) to unmask.
When I think of Scooby Doo fruit snacks, I think of childhood memories of hoping the inviting silver and blue (occasionally green) packaging contained nothing but blue, Scooby-shaped fruit snacks.
Memories of hoping a mystery machine or two might be thrown into the mix, and, above all, there would be hardly any Shaggys because grape was the most questionable flavor in the bag.
Now, with so much wrong in the world, it would be nice to at least be able to say the Scooby Doo fruit snacks are reliable.
But alas, a quick photo comparison of the old, true Scooby Doo fruit snacks with the newer, imposter snacks reveals a shocking truth.
The more contemporary snacks are indeed a sham.
If the unsettling discoloration of the newbies weren’t enough, the muted flavors almost scream to the unsuspecting consumer “I’m a hoax, a bogus, a mere guise.”
So, in the interest of transparency, I say bring back the dye-laden, processed-out-the-wazoo, sugar-filled snacks many of us knew and loved.
After all, it’s what Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Fred, Daphne and the beloved Mystery Machine would have wanted.