Except He Didn’t Say Fudge

BRENNA MUELLER | THE SPECTRUM
We all had that one teacher growing up. The one who played by nobody’s rules but his own (and the law and the school rules if a parent complained, but mostly their own rules).

They would think that a normal multiple choice test was stupid because it didn’t show you actually learned anything. Or maybe they would think multiple choice tests are good enough because you’re just kids and there’s no reason to go cracking the whip unless you break the aforementioned rules. The point is, the way everyone else taught was dumb and archaic.

This was your favorite teacher, and today I would like to pay tribute to him or her. They taught you as good or maybe even better than the rest of your teachers, but they did it in style. Let’s take a moment and commemorate not only their unique style, but also the most beautiful thing to a middle school student that all these teachers share — swearing.

I remember that little bit of rush when I’d hear the teacher swear as a kid. It felt real. It was taboo. Everything up until this point had been kid stuff, but now you’re in the big times, kiddo. It was like the start of the horror movie where all the teenagers commit a crime together, but know they have a “we’re in this together now” type bond. Remember in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie drops a hard F-bomb in front of his dad like a dweeb and says “except I didn’t say fudge?” I miss the teacher who didn’t say fudge.

To be honest, I still feel that rush a little today. I don’t react to a professor swearing, but there’s still a little part of me that goes, “Yeah but he said damn though.”  It’s definitely different now since swearing really isn’t as big of a deal. Back in the day, it was “edgy” but now it’s just words. Hell, with this job swearing is my bread and butter and even then it’s just diction.

I kinda miss those times. Back when plain irrelevant stuff felt so impactful. Back when a teacher was someone who slept at the school and occasionally showed signs of being human. Back when everyone appreciated the little things. Also, school fights were way more common, and I haven’t seen a good ol’ cafeteria fight since like ninth grade, so if a couple guys could get ballsy next time I’m in the dining centers that would be great as well.

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