Erik’s Cooking Column: Trendy Green Smoothie

THE SPECTRUM | ERIK JONASSON II
Delicious fruit for a delicious smoothie.

All right, so let us make this much perfectly clear: spinach is amazing in smoothies. A good green smoothie is also a way to make uneducated people go, “Yuck, why is your smoothie green.”

Get rid of those people. They aren’t ready to join you on your amazing journey to nirvana.

The first thing you will need for this recipe is a blender. If you don’t own one yet I would suggest going to the blender shelter. Like Bob Barker, this will be my fight.

Either way, gather your blender and other supplies.

For this smoothie, I am deciding to use the following: one banana, one pear, one mango, a good handful of spinach and almond milk.

Place all the fruit on a cutting board. I prefer free-range cutting boards, but you know that is just me.

Now grab the free-range cutting board and the fruit. First, remember to thank the good God Googi for the great harvest. The God Googi is, of course, the god of light or darkness or whatever, who knows.

Now grab the fruits and prepare to murder them. This is going to be hard for anyone who isn’t strong at heart or a serial murderer.

Consider the following fact of life: the smaller the chunks, the easier the blending of flesh. So make those chunks smaller if you want pure smoothies.

It doesn’t really matter what order you put the remains in, but I would suggest the following order: banana, mango, pear, spinach and then top it all off with almond milk. Press some buttons on the blender to make it blend up all your worries. There you go.

Some people add ice for a nice texture, but for me, it goes against my religion. This is just my deal, though.

All right, now that your smoothie is ready for consumption, make sure to place it in a trendy cup that is as transparent as possible. Remember you have a green smoothie and you want to show that sucker off.

I would suggest a mason jar or a clear tumbler. Make sure to be slightly snobby about the whole thing. Prepare answers and facial expressions. You are trendy. You are awesome. Go enjoy your smoothie, you lovely creature.

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