Comic Sans Eye Attack Leaves NDSU in Rubble

I have an official grievance, North Dakota State.

I’m not mad; rather, I am more disappointed in your actions. You have gone truly too far this time. Honestly, you might not be able to win me back.
No more though. Enough is enough. I cannot stand idly by on this controversial issue. The campus needs a voice right now. I promise to take this duty seriously, and professionally.

So, NDSU, I voted last Thursday. As I hope many of my peers did as well.

As I am for sure at this point, you are aware. The outcry has caused riots in multiple residence hall rooms, and the withdrawal of an estimated 5,000 students.

I am of course talking about the Comic Sans controversy.

It is reported that students’ eyes melted like the climax of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.

Now honestly I thought NDSU had offered its worst offense with the public toilet teepee, which is too thin for comfort I might add, but no, I was wrong. This offense is truly sinister.

I must ask, who was in charge? What is to be held responsible?

Now I see no better use of our First Amendment rights as to point out injustices when injustices happen. Instead of just ranting and raving I will write a letter, a letter that reflects the shared opinion of each and every man and woman here on campus:

To whom it may concern

Hello, I am a sophomore majoring in mechanical engineering. In an unprecedented move I have decided to represent the entire NDSU student population, who I am for sure is just as upset as I am.

I understand that introduction may have seemed a little hostile, and that is because this is, at the moment, an all-out war.

Now look, I understand, you must not have known the bitter history that Comic Sans has with the rest of the world. Surely if you did you wouldn’t have committed such a horrid font-sin.

You see, Comic Sans was modeled off of Hitler’s handwriting. Comic Sans is also what the OJ verdict was rumored to have been typed with. As you see this is not a font that represents a student-focused, land grant, research university.


Rather this font is permanently reserved for documents for the Church of Scientology, Trump briefs and, of course UND acceptance letters. Since the NDSU voting page is none of these, I question why it was there.

I personally am at my wits end of what some people would say is my sanity.

I cannot, we cannot, handle the mental anguish that is Comic Sans. We can handle many things here, the winter, the wood chippers, but we can’t avoid this.

So I will plead for mercy. I will plead for justice. I will plead for peace. We must, as a university, not repeat the deadly eye attack of April 6-7, 2016. We can together overcome. I sure hope that you have learned something, and I sure hope we will not see this next year.

Thank you for your time,
Erik Jonasson II / The Entire NDSU Student Body

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