BYOB (Be Your Own Boss)

How you can make money and, more importantly, make me money

PEXELS | PHOTO COURTESY Looking into the promising future at the top of a pyramid scheme.

Hey there! I know we haven’t really spoken in a while. I think that’s just a shame. To make amends, I’m offering you a super-exclusive, all-inclusive, once-in-a-lifetime business venture. A chance to be your own boss, make your own hours and get us both some pocket change!

I have recently come across a growing, unknown, self-starter conglomerate that is expanding its network as we live and breathe. Now that I’m a part of it, I’d like you to join my network. For a mere $10,000 investment, you can be moving glamorous, revitalizing, all natural, interchangeable keyboard keys. You’ll be chanting SOS (Sell Our Souls!) for the hottest new product: Mary Keys.

I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I give you 10 grand that I made at a real job for … alternative medicine keys?” First off, rude. Second, they are so much more than that. They are aesthetically crafted by completely unknown, top respected artists and also my three kids paint them after school. They have built-in electro-magnetizers that rejuvenate your auroras, increasing productivity and flushing the toxins from your sys


Sorry about that! I’m typing this while driving. If I leave my car in one spot too long, the repo man will take it. Doesn’t bother me one bit because I’m typing on my Mary Keys! My finger tips are being stimulated by micro-implosions, reverting my nerve receptors to maximum capacity.

I know it’s a lot to take in. Making lists of all your friends and family and family’s friends. Making people realize that individual keyboard keys costing $2.99 a piece are 299 percent worth it. Making sure you remember to mention it in every conversation, even with strangers. I don’t envy you kid. But that’s only because I’ve already moved 7,000 units of product! Look at me, I’m only $200 in the hole!

Here at Mary Keys, we’re all about sharing. This business was founded on a key principle: “If we all share our money, I can have more of it than you.” So come on board! Because I am so hungry.

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