the rectum

Brushbusters Takes Student Union by Storm

In an executive decision by President Dean Bresciani, a working crew has officially broken ground Thursday on the newest shop in the Student Union.

The organization, Brushbusters, is the first of its kind across the nation. Here, students will have the ability to rent a toothbrush for singular or multiple uses. Brushbusters is mostly reserved for bachelor juniors in the Civil Engineering department.

Brushbusters’ opening is assumed by local economic majors to bring in huge profits. President Bresciani sees nothing but potential as well.

“When budget cuts started happening, we all had our concerns,” President Bresciani said last week in a news conference. “This business has monetary potential, though. We are all going to be flying first-class soon enough.”

Of course, Brushbusters didn’t find its fame overnight. Rather, owner Molaris Othodonson, a local philosophy major, decided to give up on all of his future job prospects and instead focus his attention on his entrepreneurial enterprise.

“I was reading a book in the Union one day, and it struck me. I didn’t brush my teeth this morning. I felt sort of gross, so I thought, ‘Hey, I would rent a toothbrush at this point.'”

Gold had been struck, it seemed. Othodonson quickly quit his post-grad work at Chucky Cheese’s and planned Brushbusters first location, at the University of North Dakota.

The Grand Forks bid fell through, though.

“We were really discouraged, but we had to move on. UND would have been great, but NDSU has promise,” Othodonson said. When asked whether he would consider a second shop one day possibly opening up at UND Othodonson said, “Of course, their need for dental hygiene isn’t going away any time soon.”

Of course this new business has seen some opposition.

“I have health concerns about renting a toothbrush,” Barry Buffalo said. “What happens if I get one someone else used?”

Others recognize the necessity of this organization.

“I find it off-putting, but essential,” NDSU student Margo Foorehead told us in defense of Brushbusters. “Boy’s on campus sometimes look un-kept and gross.”

No matter the naysayers Othodonson is proud at this point, “I have achieved more than my mother ever expected from me. Unlike other college graduates, I see a future of living in my old bedroom at home, instead of just crashing on the couch in the living room.”

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