Bison Abroad | Self-Reliance and Grieving an Ocean Away

PHOTO COURTESY Stefonowicz Family |
PHOTO COURTESY | Stefonowicz Family  In memory of Grandpa Tom.

Tori Stefonowicz is an NDSU student currently studying in Madrid, Spain. She writes a bi-weekly article on her experiences while abroad.

Self-reliance is an amazing concept. However, until you actually put it into practice, it remains just that: a concept. I moved 1,500 miles away from the house I grew up in to go to college. Now, I am 4,400 miles and an ocean away from my home in Fargo.

Going into study abroad, the distance was something I had given thought to, but it never bothered me until I was missing moments with loved ones.

Last week my grandpa passed away suddenly. I had no idea how to handle such a situation, and especially not from a different continent. I coped from my bed by binge-watching Netflix (all eight seasons of The Big Bang Theory) while surrounded by take-out containers.

I believe that everything is a lesson, and while this lesson was something I needed to learn I will always wish there was a different way it could have been taught.

Normally, I lean on those close to me — my boyfriend, friends and close family — but that is much different when they aren’t here and I am 7-12 hours ahead of them, making even communication difficult at times. I found myself, for probably the first time, having no other option than to lean on myself.

Yes, the texts, calls and Skype were incredibly helpful and comforting, but it just wasn’t the same. I had to be the strong one for myself.

Though it took me a few days, I managed. I can’t say that I have moved on, nor can I say when I will, but you have to keep going. It will get better and I can rely on myself. I proved that to the only person that ever doubted it — myself.

Self-reliance is no longer a concept but a daily practice. And I feel like a stronger version of myself for it. You can do anything in your life; it’s the things that scare us most that truly make us better. I was scared of being alone, not on my own necessarily, but completely alone and away from my support system. I’m doing it, so I’m not going back to that mindset now.

I booked a trip and in the middle of October I will be heading to London and Paris, because adventure is out there. It’s hard to go do new things if you are stuck in a past version of yourself.

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