Disclaimer: This is totally, 100 percent fake news. It is satire written for our annual April Fool’s edition, The Rectum. It is a joke and “The Turf Bought Out by Herd and Horns”
Author: NDSU Spectrum
Burgum to Run for Student Body President, Again
North Dakota’s governor and former North Dakota State student body president, Doug Burgum, has announced his candidacy in the race for student body president. Burgum “Burgum to Run for Student Body President, Again”
Dinosaur Escapes NDSU Research Lab
North Dakota State’s Research and Technology Park underwent a severe technical malfunction Monday, causing a tyrannosaurus rex to escape. The T-Rex is part of ongoing “Dinosaur Escapes NDSU Research Lab”
Elect Grant Gloe For Student Body President
The editors of The Rectum support Grant Gloe for student body president. He is an unqualified, unexperienced, apathetic and dull choice with a nice butt “Elect Grant Gloe For Student Body President”
Trump Adds Four English-Speaking Nations to Travel Ban
President Trump announced an expansion of his controversial travel ban this week to include the English-speaking countries of Ireland, Wales, Scotland, and the England. Trump cites business “Trump Adds Four English-Speaking Nations to Travel Ban”
Carson Wentz Quits NFL, Seeks Substitute Teaching Positions
After a lackluster end to his rookie season, Carson Wentz is now facilitating dodgeball matches in Fargo-Moorhead high school gyms. Wentz, the 24-year-old washed-up “Carson Wentz Quits NFL, Seeks Substitute Teaching Positions”
KNDS Album of the Month: ‘Life Will See You Now’
As the KNDS Radio Music Director, I spend a lot of my time listening to music. My ear is tuned to notice the albums that “KNDS Album of the Month: ‘Life Will See You Now’”
Editorial: On NDSU’s Supposed Student Focus
When students at North Dakota State think “student focus,” a man in a bow tie may come to mind. Timothy Alvarez, the spiffy, hashtag-slinging vice “Editorial: On NDSU’s Supposed Student Focus”