Auditorium Desks: The Bad, the Awful and the STEM Desks

SPECTRUM STAFF Erik Jonasson II |
My grade is correlated to square-inches of desk sadly.

You all know the awkward, but necessary, dance of the auditorium desks.

“Uh, hey …” as you need to move someone’s coat or even their leg to get your desk out.

We all do it, yet it just seems to get worse every time. On top of that, every auditorium desk unfolds differently. Nothing like moving someone’s coat or leg to no avail and have to move their arm so you can pull it up.

God help you if you’re not familiar with the A. Glenn Hill Center (STEM Building, it will always be the STEM building) desks that fold out from under your leg. I will never understand the design of those. It’s like modern art that’s trying too hard to be, ya know, a desk.

The engineer must have really liked puzzles.

Not to mention they are tiny, God are they tiny.

I swear the amount of papers I’ve kept on my leg during an exam because the desk is about eight square inches is ridiculous.

Why do our GPA’s have to hinge on a tiny piece of wood? It’s the most stressful part of the semester and you have to spend it working on a coaster.

I propose a new desk that avoids all this awkwardness. One that is not unnecessarily complex yet avoids even having to look at your neighboring classmate.

That’s right: a desk that is always folded out and wraps all the way across so you can just sit down into the seat. I can see I have lost a few of you.

Bear with me for just a second. Imagine it is about five minutes into class and one guy shuffles in late. He is trying not to make a big deal out of it and the teacher barely even notices.

Everything is going great until he reaches his desk and tries to climb in.

While short-lived, the fact that there is a single student in a silent auditorium clambering to get over his desk and fall haphazardly into his seat becomes incredibly apparent.

And then, of course, there is everyone leaving. You either have to hop up and over the desk without falling and hurting yourself, or, if you are slim enough, try to slide under the desk and onto the floor without someone falling on you.

Yes, I’d have to do it as well, but if I feel it’s funny enough I will tank myself and take everyone down with me.

Down with the old, the different and the weird.

In with the new, the uniform and the weird.

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