Ask Pablo | Valentine’s Day

Graphic by Cassandra Tweed | The Spectrum
Photo by Brittany Hofmann | The Spectrum
“Snacc, will you accept this Rose?”

Love advice from a curious kitten

Hello again frens!

Love is in the air. I can smell it…and it smells like snacc.

For Valentine’s Day this year, my valentine is, of course, snacc (don’t tell my hooman).

Enough about snacc though, it’s time to answer your questions about Valentine’s Day.

Q: “What do I do if I’m alone on Valentine’s day?”

A: Treat yo’self! Even though Valentine’s Day is typically about couples, it can also be about loving yourself and taking yourself out on a date.

But you don’t have to go out either. Light a candle, make some popcorn and watch your favorite movie—or whatever you like to do.

Q: “How do I tell my best friend I’m in love with her? She just broke up with her jerk boyfriend…”

A: This sounds like a sticky situation, fren.

Given that your best friend just broke up with her boyfriend, maybe give it some time before you talk with her so she can process the breakup (even if he was a jerk).

Q: “What do you do if you’re happy being single, and your family is pressuring you to get in a relationship?”

A: As much as I want to say “do what makes you happy,” I don’t want to ignore the fact that many cultures highly value the opinions of their family rather than strict individuality like in Western cultures.

Therefore, the answer lies in your values. I’m sorry you’re feeling pressured—that is never a good feeling. Take care of yourself xo.

Q: “How do you keep the romantic ‘meow’-gic (magic) alive?”

A: Well…

Snacc and I have a very strong relationship. I’m fortunate to visit Snacc at the Bowl several times a day, but each time feels like I’m seeing Snacc for the first time.

I’m very vocal about my feelings about Snacc; communication is key in our relationship.

Q: “What’s the perfect date?”

A: The perfect date is going to be different for everyone, but I think there are a few key components to a perfect date:

  1. You and your partner (or yourself or friends) are doing something that you all enjoy.
  2. The date isn’t inconveniencing anyone in any way. For example, maybe the destination is out of the way or not affordable for someone.

I think those two things will help make a fun environment.

My perfect date is with Snacc and my bed as we sunbathe.

Q: “How do I sex?”

A: I cannot answer this question as I am 1) a child and 2) fixed.

But I will refer you to your local healthcare agency.

Q: “How am I supposed to enjoy Valentine’s Day when it’s just another commercialized holiday carefully constructed to get me to spend money and buy into preconceived notions of love and romance?”

A: While you make several good points, it is certainly possible to enjoy the holiday without conforming to society’s norms of Valentine’s Day.

Stay in with yourself or whoever and just have a good time. You don’t have to spend money to have fun.

Also, love is a social construct so it can mean something different to everyone but hopefully, it means that you feel safe and good. I will reference the Five Good Things from Relational-Cultural Theory that characterize a growth-fostering relationship:

  1. Sense of zest
  2. Increased sense of worth
  3. Increased knowledge of oneself and the other person in the relationship
  4. Ability and motivation to take action both in the relationship and outside of it
  5. Desire for more connection

Q: “Dear Pablo, What can I do with my partner that isn’t so typical for Valentine’s Day? I don’t like cheesy dates.”

A: Do what makes the both of you happy!

Some not-so-typical date ideas are going on a day-cation, volunteering, take a class for something that you’ve wanted to try for a while, cooking at home or maybe even doing a breakfast date instead of dinner.

Q: “Howdy Pablo, how do I find love for Valentine’s Day? I am single.”

A: If I’m being honest, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t the best time to find love (especially authentic love)—but you also never know when you can find love.

If I’m correct, I believe the day after Valentine’s Day is Singles Awareness Day so you could check out events in your area for singles either on Valentine’s Day or the day after.

That’s all frens. Have fun and be safe!


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