Anyone Who Likes Engineering Tests is an Idiot

opinion

As any engineer will tell you, a course can seem all fine and dandy until the day of the test when you start to wonder if you even studied the right unit. Some people wish to perpetuate the stereotype that tests are a fair and reasonable test of knowledge, but those people are absolute scum. All of them. I love a good ‘ole 40 question multiple choice guess test. Now you get these tests that are short and to the point. The point being stuck in your back, if not a more sensitive region. 

Let’s look at the structure of the tests shall we: in statics and dynamics, your tests are composed of two questions. Only two questions. Make a simple error on one of them? Enjoy your 50 percent max score.

But wait, what about the Zuckerberg points? Yep, the points you get for doing the half of the work for the whole test and having to settle for partial credit, much like Zuckerberg giving partial credit to his business partner for Facebook. But hey, who doesn’t like being showered with five pity points when you studied for hours on material not relating to the test because we hate you? 

But what’s worse than a short test? A long test. A test where if you don’t know how to do a problem, you better just skip it and hope you have time to go back and write down random equations for partial credit (yes I want the pity points, sue me). These are the tests of classes like Calc II and III, where dreams go to die, but only after categorizing what type of sequence or series it is, checking its continuity and performing squeeze theorem to see if it converges on a point.

At least I can ignore directional derivatives and tangential planes by flipping coins on my calculator and thinking of my matador name for when I drop out and move to Mexico. 

Engineering tests, however, are just a facet of college life. You learn, you socialize, you explore, you study and you test. It’s the way life is. You have to accept it sucks, but you’re better than that. I can handle it, so I guess until I’m under the alias “pimiento rojo” or “La sensación de ardor,” you’re stuck with me.

And you’re stuck with tests. And stuck with all the good stuff too. Engineering tests are still awful though. No way am I ending this article on a happy note.

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